Stay with me
by N811
Summary: Cal has messed up things for good. Can he find the words he desperatly needs to say to her? Or is it already too late?
1. Chapter 1

It was late when he finally arrived at her house. He was driving around for a few hours now. Couldn't let go of what happened in the office earlier. She was probably still mad at him. Who would blame her? This time he really messed up, he knew that. He just didn't know how to fix it.

"_You're an asshole, Lightman!"_

_She never called him by his surname. Not only with her body, but also with her words she put distance between them. He stepped closer to her and opened his mouth to say something but she was quicker. _

"_You know that I don't like her. You know I don't want her here, working with us. We don't need her! We did well without her before but you keep dragging her here every time you get the chance to. I don't understand why!"_

"_I like having her around."_

"_You don't need to rub it under my nose. I don't give a shit about who you sleep with or not."_

_She turned to leave but Cal caught her arm and dragged her back. There was no way that they were already finished. _

"_If you don't give a shit about it why are you so damn jealous then?"_

"_I'm not jealous. This is not about me, Cal. This is about Wallowski. All I want you to do is stop bringing her here. She doesn't' work here!"_

"_I could change that fact."_

_He was talking non-sense. But he kind of enjoyed seeing her so pissed off at him. She was jealous, he saw that. But right now she was mostly angry with him. And he always thought that Gillian was sexy when she was pissed off at him. Not she was not sexy when she wasn't. But there was something about her glaring and shouting at him that turned him on. It made him furious, but it was hot. He couldn't help it. Sometimes he even tried to make her angry just to see that glare of hers. _

_But before his thoughts could get any further her hand collided with his cheek and the pain immediately hit him. _

"_Fuck, Gil! That hurt!"_

"_This is OUR company, Cal. WE make decisions TOGETHER. But You! You act as if it was all just YOURS. As if I just worked for you. You treat me like an employee not your partner."_

"_This is MY fuckin company and I make decisions ALONE. YOU can't tell ME what to do or not to do. I OWN THIS!"_

_He expected another slap from her but was met in silence instead. Her face was still, she had her guard up and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't see anything. And it scared him. _

"_Well, if that how you see it…I have nothing more to say to you."_

_She turned around again and this time he didn't go after her. He stood there, shocked and watched her leave, wondering if she would come back. _

He knocked on the door, hoping she would open it and felt relieve wash over him when he heard her turn the keys and open the door. She was clad in her robe and he suddenly felt hot. She was probably in just her underwear underneath it, or even naked. He felt his cock twitch and cursed his body for losing control so quickly.

"What do you want?"

"Can I come in?"

"No."

"Come on, luv. It's cold out here."

He gave her one of his charming smiles and pretended to shiver in the dark night.

"It's not a good time now."

"Why, you have somebody in there?"

He meant it as a joke, but when he saw Gillians face he knew that he was right. He felt anger rushing trough him. And hurt. He was sure that Gillian could see how jealous he was right now. She looked down when she realized what was written all over his face.

"I never slept with her."

Her head shot up again and he glimpsed something in her eyes, but wasn't sure if it was surprise or relieve. Maybe a bit of both. He was surprised himself, for saying that. He didn't plan on saying it.

"Honey, are you coming?"

It was a male voice. Of course it was. Who should be there at that time? He sounded young. Impatient.

"I should go, your company is waiting for you."

He turned around but Gills voice held him back.

"Cal…I didn't want this to happen."

"Neither did I, luv."

He turned again started to walk towards his car. He could hear the guy calling for her again and he fastened his steps. He felt tears burning in his eyes and cursed himself for caring so much. He knew that he never had a chance with her. So why did he even try? Why did he torture himself like that?

It felt like ages had passed when he got home, but his clock told him that he made it from Gills house to his in just ten minutes. He must have broken every traffic regulation on his way home. The television was still on and he found Emily curled up on the couch, wrapped in an old blanket. She fell asleep during Sleepless in Seattle. He quietly sat down beside her and took her in his arms. She snuggled closer to him and he closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep and forget that today ever happened.


	2. Chapter 2

Emily knew that something was wrong but was clever enough to understand that he didn't want to talk about what ever had happened. She assumed though that it had something to do with Gillian. She had never seen her father this heartbroken and she knew that he loved only one woman enough to be shattered like that.

She kissed him goodbye and left the house. Leaving him alone. It started raining last night and still hasn't stopped. He felt numb. Sick. And before realizing what he did he left the house through the backdoor and sat down a bench in his little backyard. The rain drowned his clothes and his hair clung to his forehead but he didn't feel anything except for the huge hole in his stomach that started to get bigger and bigger since he was at Gillian's last night.

He didn't realize how long he had been sitting there. It must have been hours. He heard the door open and close again and steps coming towards him but didn't bother to look up and see who this unexpected visitor was.

"You'll get a cold."

His heart started to beat faster. So fast that it hurt and he felt like he couldn't breathe anymore. How had she found him? Why was she here? Didn't she know that he couldn't take to look at her right now?

"Why would you care?"

He didn't want to sound cruel or cold but couldn't help it. He was still thinking about her and that other man. The sharp intake of her breath told him that she was genuine hurt by his statement.

"You're my best friend, Cal. Of course I care."

"Had fun with your new friend, huh? How old is he? 23? 25? Can't be much older, can he? Sounded pretty young to me."

"Don't be like that, Cal."

"Like what? I don't know what you mean."

"You're jealous. You're happy as long as nobody has me. You're fine with having other women as long as I have no other men. But as soon as I commit myself to a relationship or find a man I actually like hanging around with you get all cranky and try to destroy whatever I have. You don't want anybody to have me but you don't have the balls to come and take me yourself. I won't wait for you, I just can't, Cal. I waited long enough. If you can't have me because of some goddamned reasons you keep inventing then let me be content with somebody else."

He knew she was right. But he didn't know that she knew what he was doing and why he kept doing it.

"That's not true."

"Of course it is, Cal. Stop playing with me. If you want me then say so. But stop pushing and testing me. One day you'll push too far and I'll be gone."

This was it. He could end this all with just three words. _I want you. I LOVE YOU._ But instead of these he found himself say three totally different words: "So go then."

A minute passed. She nodded and stood up. She was drenched as well. The rain hit her face and he knew that at least one of these raindrops was a salty one.

"Ok.", was all she said and he watched her turn and leave. He wanted to call her. _STAY._ But his mouth never formed this word. It echoed in his head, but he never found the words to say it. As if she could read his mind she stopped. But didn't turn.

"I was jealous. And I never slept with him."

His heart stopped. Why couldn't he move? Why couldn't he speak? She was walking out of his life and he didn't do a damn thing about it.

He broke down as she walked away.


	3. Chapter 3

He was early this morning. He wanted to be here before her. The rain still hasn't stopped. He walked towards his office but changed his mind again and entered Gillian's office. If he would wait here, she couldn't avoid him. He didn't know yet what to do or say. The only thing he knew was that he needed to fix this somehow. He couldn't just pretend that nothing happened. He needed to fix this.

It was already 11 when she finally showed up. Usually she came before seven. She didn't see him at first and went straight to her desk but when she finally saw him she didn't looked surprised or shocked, just sad…defeated.

"You're late."

"You're early."

They were silent again. Why couldn't he just say it? Why couldn't he just kiss her? Tell her how much he loved her?

"I didn't mean what I said yesterday."

"I know. It still hurt."

"I know. I didn't want to hurt you."

"That's a lie."

He nodded. She got better every day at reading him.

"Anything else you wanted to say?"

He said nothing.

"I thought so."

She left her office. Leaving him alone again.

"Stay."

It was just a whisper. She didn't hear it. She didn't come back.


	4. Chapter 4

He finally caught up with her on the street. She was running to her car. Or whatever you call it when women try to run in their heels. She tried to shield her hair from getting wet with a folder but managed to let it drop and cursed loudly. Bending down she tried to quickly pick it all up before it would get soaked with water.

Stopping her hands with putting his over hers he willed her to look up at him. When she finally did he could see that she had been crying. Damn Gillian and her tears. They always made him soft. But right now he didn't care about how soft or weak he was.

Her hands trembled and she cleared her throat. Trying to say something. But nothing came out. She was afraid. Hurt. Heartbroken. All because of him.

"I don't want to say goodbye."

"Sometimes you have to."

"Gill… lov…don't say that."

She turned her head away from him.

"I'm a coward, Gill."

She still didn't look at him.

"I should've told you long time ago, but I just couldn't find the words to say. This love seams real to me, Gill. I felt this way since we became friends. I don't want to say goodbye."

He cupped her face gently and turned her to look at him.

"Stay. Stay with me, Gill. Say you changed your mind and stay with me."

She shook her face no.

"I love you, Gill. Don't leave me, please don't. I couldn't handle it, couldn't take it. I can't give you up. Do you know how it feels to let you go? I broke down when you left me the other day. Stay, Gill. Stay with me. Please. Stay."

"Cal…no…"

"Gill…don't go. Don't leave me. Change your mind and be mine. I want you, Gill. I need you. Just say you stay and let me fix this."

"You can't, Cal. This would never work. We would never work. We're just too different from each other."

"We complete each other, Gill. I love you and love me. There's nothing more we need."

"Since when do you believe in love?"

"Since I met you."

He surprised her. He heard and saw that sharp intake of breath and decided that it was a good sign. He saw something flicker over her eyes again. Love. This time he was sure. He couldn't give up now. She was getting to her feet and walking towards her car again, but this time he was quicker. He stood in front of the driver's door and blocked her way. He'd tie her to a traffic light if that would keep her from walking away from him and listen to him for a second.

"It's true, Gill. You can see it. Read me. I show you everything you want. Just don't leave. I couldn't take it, Gill. I just couldn't. Don't let me do this alone. Help me here."

"You will change your mind, Cal. You will see a new woman, one more interesting than me, and leave me heartbroken behind you."

"I would never!"

"You already did."

Her words hit him like a slap in his face. She was right. He already did that.

"I'm sorry about that, lov. Just give me chance. Let me show you how much I mean it."

"I can't, Cal. Just let it be. Let's forget about that."

"No. I can't forget it. And I don't want to. You gave Alec so many chances. And don't say that it was because he was your husband. You never loved him as much as you love me. I could see it. And Burns! You gave him a chance. Although you knew what he was doing! You knew how quickly this could end. But you still gave him a chance. Why can't you give me one?"

"Because I love you, Cal. Don't you get it? I gave Alec so many chances because it was my job as his wife to at least try and make this marriage thing work. And Burns…Burns was…he was safe. I knew that I would never love him as much I love you. I could be with him until…I didn't have to be lonely with him while you were…"

"I wanted them to be you. All of them. I imagined they were you. It was your lips I was kissing, your hands that touched me. I know it was stupid but I was afraid. I was afraid that you would hurt me. That you wouldn't love me. That I would mess up. But I realized that I can't be without you. I need to know. I need to know if we have a chance. Stay with me, Gill. Be mine and I will be yours. Just stay."

He begged her. She saw it in his eyes. Desperation. He didn't know what else to do, what else to say. She pushed him gently out of her way and opened the door of her car. Before getting inside she turned to look at him again. He had tears in his eyes.

She slowly closed the door and walked towards him. He prepared for the final goodbye. In the pouring rain.

"_What's wrong, Dad? Have you been crying?"_

"_No."_

"_But your eyes are red."_

"_I peeled onions for dinner."_

"_We ordered take-out today, Dad."_

"_I didn't cry."_

"_Ok. Something happened at work?"_

"_Work's fine."_

"_Dad…"_

_He could practically hear her rolling her eyes at him._

"_It's nothing."_

"_That means it's Gillian."_

"_Eat your dinner."_

"_I already finished mine. You didn't even touch yours."_

"_I'm not hungry. It's late. You should go to bed."_

"_It's seven, Dad. And you're deflecting."_

"_It's none of your business, Em."_

"_She loves you, too."_

_His head shot up. She could see tears burning in his eyes but choose to ignore them. Her father didn't want her to see him like that. He didn't want her to think of him as human. For her he always wanted to be superman. The man who could do it all, fix it all. _

"_She doesn't."_

"_I was at the office today. I talked to her."_

"_You did?"_

"_Yeah. She must have peeled onions just a second before I came in."_

_Cal looked at his daughter puzzled._

"_Cause her eyes were red as well."_


	5. Chapter 5

She kissed him. Fiercely. He instantly kissed her back and wrapped his arms around her. Pulling her close, so close that their chests pressed into each other. So hard, that they couldn't breathe. He didn't care. And so did she. He pushed her against the car, closed the door she opened just a second ago with their bodies.

When they finally needed to come up for air her his lips still wouldn't leave hers. His hands were protectively on her waist, pulling her closer to him, even though they were standing so close that they couldn't be closer if they were having sex right now. A thought that tortured his already erected member even more. He groaned against her lips and felt her smile.

"That bad, huh?"

"No. That good."

She kissed him softly and played with his wet hair.

"So you changed your mind? You're staying?"

She nodded and buried her head in his neck, covering him with kissed, making him shiver.

"So you're mine now?"

She nodded again. This time she nibbled his earlobe and he couldn't help himself anymore. He pushed his hips into hers and let out a deep and loud moan.

"And I'm yours?"

She left the warmth of his neck and he instantly missed her there. Taking his face in her hands she looked at him very seriously.

"If you ever make me regret this, if you ever hurt me…I will go…and I won't come back."

He shook his head.

"You will never regret this. Sure, there will be days and moments where you will doubt your sanity for loving me and there will be days and moments where I will hurt you or you me. But we're in this together. I want you, I want this. I don't want you to go. I want you to stay. No matter where this will take us, we go there together. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

She smiled at him. A real smile. That met her eyes. The first real smile in a long time he saw from her. And he had this funny warm feeling that it wouldn't be the last.

"I love you, too."

He knew she would get him. She always did.


End file.
